I don’t talk about infertility anymore, but it was something I was consumed with years ago. In fact, when I first started blogging, it was one of the most personal confessions I ever had amongst my friends and the innerwebs. It was a tough time, but it is not something I dwell on these days. Actually, I rarely think of it anymore. I choose to move forward in my life (Well, on most days- I am human, after all!).
So, today is my son’s 6th birthday. Six. SIX!!! What the HECK! How did my baby get sooooo big. But, here we are. He’s 6, in kindergarten, and living a great life. I’m so proud of how smart and witty he is.
I’d like to think of Austin as a story of hope for my infertile sisters. Because, he was truly a surprise after my infertility. My rainbow baby.
For my new readers I will give you the cliff notes: I went through years of infertility. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2008. I did clomid and metformin, I had multiple IUI’s, there were multiple IVF’s, there was miscarriage – but eventually I had my daughter through IVF in 2010. At that point I never went back on birth control, obviously I was my own birth control. However in May 2011, when my daughter was 7 months old, I found myself pregnant again on Mother’s Day. Then, at 10 weeks, I miscarried that baby. Thus begins my story…..
The second week of August I was due to come back to work after summer break. It had been an emotionally difficult summer having had a turbulent first trimester of pregnancy and then dealing with the miscarriage, plus trying to take care of an infant at the same time. That Monday before going to school, I took a pregnancy test. I was exactly 6 weeks post miscarriage and I wanted to make sure the pregnancy hormone was out of my system. It was supposed to feel like a fresh start that week. And it worked, because the test was negative and I was ready to get back into the routine of school.
On Tuesday night, I had the most vivid dream I was pregnant. I know this sounds like something out of a television drama, but I couldn’t shake the dream. When I got to school on Wednesday, I was working in my classroom trying to get organized and thinking about the dream. I started craving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich…. I giggled at this, because I generally do not have a sweet tooth, yet I ate these like CRAZY while I was pregnant with Jamie. I gained 65 lbs during that pregnancy, because I literally ate that pb&j goober stuff (ugh, I know- sooooooo gross) out of the jar. One of my co-workers walked in at that moment and asked me what I was laughing at. I explained to her the craving and then told her about my dream.
“So weird!” I said. We both started laughing.
She then confessed that she had actually just found out the day prior that she was pregnant.
“Congratulations!” I said. and we hugged and talked about the baby’s due date, etc.
That afternoon when I got home I called my husband and told him about the dream and the pb&j.
“Just take a test,” he said.
I just happened to have a test in my drawer due to the testing I had been doing post miscarriage. So, I took the test. You guessed it – it was positive.
This wasn’t enough for me, though. If you’ve ever gone through infertility you know it takes about $2500 worth of pregnancy tests to make you believe, kind of, that you may be pregnant, but even still….
So, I went to the pharmacy and got myself the expensive digital test.
Still, this wasn’t enough. I looked up on the internets and confirmed with Dr. Google that sometimes cervical cancer can come up positive on a pregnancy test. Obviously, Dr. Google is ALWAYS right.
So, I make an appointment with my RE to rule out cancer.
I’ll never forget the look on his face when I told him I thought I had cancer.
“Suzanne, why don’t you think it is possible you may actually be pregnant?” Dr. Sanchez asked me.
I did not have cancer.
Just over 18 months after having my miracle IVF baby, this little guy comes along……and you know how the story ends….
He’s my favorite boy in the whole UNIVERSE!!! How grateful I am to have gotten the greatest surprise of my life at 3:21 pm on April 21, 2012!!
Happy Birthday, Bubba! I love you to the moon and back!