On being a grown up

On being a grown up

Confession here: I’m a hot mess, lately. I find myself having a lot of internal struggle with life. This is how I realized that finally at 34 29ish years old that I am an adult.

Let me explain:

Internal struggle #1: What I’m good at but don’t really want to do (training people to be child care workers/ running a preshool) vs. What I’m mediocre at but wish I could do full-time (write).

Yep. This sucks. I think this has to do with some weird perfectionist complex I have where I am debilitated by the thought of failure. If you mix real world reasons (money, insurance) for keeping a real job you pretty much have a trifecta of shit. Oh, wait…that was only two reasons. You know what I mean. :/

Internal struggle #2: Who I want to be (sweet and lovable) vs. Who I really am (kind of bitchy).

Don’t know what to say about that except that the snarky side of me is also kind of funny. On the other hand, snarkiness covers insecurity. I’m a flawed person, but I know there is a middle ground here that I can work Also, Matt anonymous persons also don’t always appreciate my “assertive side.” Anyone have any ideas on how much bitchiness is considered acceptable? 20%, 30%….just checking… I’d love to weigh in on this topic some day.

Internal struggle #3: Being a mom vs. being myself.

Having kids is the best part of my life. It feels amazing to watch your kids grow, but it’s hard. I think the hardest part of being a parent is feeling like I’m losing some of my old fun parts. I’m just too exhausted to do much of anything these days- like read, write, knit, uh wash my hair (hence the ugly rats nest pony tail I’m sporting today. What? The messy pony tail look is totally hot!) I’d love to jog again, or sleep in, or shop without buddies, or eat without a kid in my lap, or…ok, I think you get my point.

Internal struggle #4: Missing my old body vs. hating my new body.

Oh! That’s kind of the same thing which means it’s not a struggle. But still, WTF Chester! Two years ago you put me on a magical diet that prevented kidney stones. It kept me fat and yet I now I have 6 stones awaiting departure. Now you tell I’m supposed pee in a jug for 24 hours and keep it refrigerated. How is that supposed to work, big guy? Have you seen what my day is like? Better yet, have you seen my fridge? Not cool!

Also Chester, beer helps kidney stones. Beer! Throw a girl a freaking beer bone, Chester!

Internal struggle #5: Romney vs. Obama

I know I watch more Real Housewives than CNN (side note: anyone seen Underemployed? Yeah, I kind of love it. Feel free to shoot me now.), however this doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on in life.

I voted for Romney, people. I did my research. I weighed my options. I made what I thought was the best choice for what I believe our country needs at this time. This doesn’t mean I don’t believe in gay civil rights. This doesn’t mean I don’t believe in women’s rights.


Now someone go get me a damn piece of chocolate and some beer! (Asserting my rights as a woman. Also, that kind of bitchiness feels pretty good. Just sayin.)

4 thoughts on “On being a grown up

  1. I totally get lots of those but particularly #3. It does get better as your kids get older. I am still way busy, but I feel freer to be myself and not Mom ALL the time. Can’t wait to catch up with you this weekend at the corn maze!


    1. Looking forward to the corn maze, too! I’m thinking part of my mom problems has to do with a certain child who doesn’t like sleep! Thanks for the light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope!!


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