It’s like you don’t even know me….

It’s like you don’t even know me….

Today while looking through some CD’s for a lost Just Dance Wii game, (what??) I came across some of Matt’s old school music.

Do you know what I came across?

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Whoa!

I was literally holding on to my dunkie butt and big ole legs in disbelief.

Me.

The person who has saved her Booty Mix 2 CD like it’s the last thing to survive the end of the world has been in a relationship with a man for over 7 years, living with him for 6 and married for over 5 years and doesn’t know he owns Booty Mix 96??!!

It’s like he doesn’t even KNOW me.

He could have totally pulled that shit out the last time (last night) I was annoyed with him and like a canary with a shiny object I would have totally forgot why I was mad in the first place (which I already have, by the way).

Now excuse me while I go break it down like James…

PS- to the girl who was dating Matt back in 1996 all have I say to you is, “Boom! I got your boyfriend!”

Why, Hello Baby Santa!

Why, Hello Baby Santa!

I jumped on the band wagon and brought home an Elf on a Shelf.

Meet Baby Santa….

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First hint: I didn’t name him….

Second hint: Two year olds are very “creative.”

Actually, Jamie is a genius. I mean, he is a small person dressed like Santa. At first when she said “Baby Santa” I was like, “Hmmmm…how about Cookie?” But, she was adamant.

“No, mama! Baby Santa!”

So, Baby Santa it is.

Maybe next time she feels the need to lick the wall of the Airport bathroom (true story) or sit on her baby brother’s head (also unfortunately true) she will stop and think about “Baby Santa.”

Probably, not.

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Pure mischief in those eyes….

How did this happen?

How did this happen?

Well, my worst nightmare occurred this morning. Matt was feeding Austin while Jamie was sleeping when all of the sudden he hears, “I’m free! I’m free!” This voice sounds relatively much like Jamie’s.

Back story: our home has two levels. The upstairs landing overlooks the downstairs living room. We put a baby gate in front if Jamie’s bedroom door so that she can’t tie a sheet around her neck and fly down like Wonder Woman ala Boo.

Anyway, so Matt hears, “I’m free! I’m free!” and bolts upstairs. He sees Jamie has literally broken free of the baby gate by simply pushing it forward.

Uh….I call bullshit.

1) What kind of a stupid baby gate do we have that it can easily be moved by a toddler from the wrong end?

2) How is it my 2 year old already feels entrapment? I thought we had until at least middle school before she reveled at the thought of breaking “free” from us.

So, now my 25 month old knows Daddy has money and that breaking out of the room means she’s “free”. Now, what? I have no tricks in my pocket, people. I’m flying blind, here!

Looks like someone is getting a pony for Christmas….

Ahem!

What? Don’t act like you didn’t know I bribe small children.

And, it has BEGUN!

And, it has BEGUN!

Well, I thought I had a few more years before this happened, but Jamie has officially understood the meaning of money.

As in, we’re at the mall and the mechanical horse costs $.75 (that’s highway robbery for that thing, by the way). Jamie says,

“Dada. Please have money. Puhllleeaase.”

Sccccccrrrrrreeeeeaaaaaccch

Me: “Whay did you say?”

Jamie: “Please have money, mama”

And like a sucker we just have to give her money because she was being so polite. Sheesh!

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So, yeah. How did this happen? How did I gain a teenager in just 25 short months?

If that wasn’t heart breaking enough (my baby’s all growed up!) I check out the Christmas tree display (see in background of last pic?) to find one decorated by the Heart Gallery. I love the Heart Gallery. When I was exploring adoption during our infertile days, I used to peruse that site daily. Their tree has pics of foster kids along with letters written by them. I see:

“Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is a family that will let me be with my brother.
-Jacob”

Heart strings! Oww!

And just like that I’m crying in the middle of the mall.

For the love of God, someone find Jacob a home so he can live with his brother!

Lately, I’ve been so in love watching my kids play together. I just can’t imagine them being apart!

Ok. Let’s look at a pic of Jamie loving her brother to distract us from poor Jacob:

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Ok. Now who do I have to pay to adopt Jacob and his brother?