On a more serious note for this blog, I wanted to take a time out to recognize and remember that today is a day of loss for Matt, Jamie, and I.
Today, would have been the due date of the little one we lost this past June.
I don’t usually like talking about this, and especially on the Internets, but there are many thoughts running through my head on this day and I feel I should recognize them, for me and our angel baby, and for other miscarriage survivors.
One thing I have told only a handful of people is what happened the day I went in for my D&C. See, I had wanted to miscarry naturally, but since the baby had stopped growing at 5 1/2 weeks and I was technically almost 11 weeks and showing some signs of a low-grade fever, we decided to go ahead with the procedure. I have to admit, that I was almost relieved to go in for the procedure. My body didn’t seem to want to get rid of the baby naturally and in a way I needed the whole nightmare to end. I know this will make sense to some of you that I say that….
But, anyhow….the night before Matt took me on a nice date to the Melting Pot, and while we were there I started to miscarry naturally a little bit. However, because of where I was in the pregnancy, they decided to go ahead on with the D&C the next morning. I was in a lot of pain and they wanted to make sure to get all the tissue out.
I remember being in a fog as they wheeled me into the room and started my IV drip. I just kept telling myself that life would move on when it was all done. I had Jamie and Matt and I have a wonderfully blessed life. I would move on.
When I woke up, I was all woozy from the drugs, but I remember thinking, “Oh, my God. It’s done. The baby is gone.” And, I started crying. As the nurses wheeled me back to my room I cried silently. One of the nurses leaned over to me and said words I will never forget.
“I’m so sorry. I just went through this a couple of months ago. I know how hard it is.”
I stopped crying as the realization hit me just how many women go through miscarriage.
I told her I was sorry for her loss and she said, “No. I’m sorry for you today. I’ve already gone through this.”
The fact is that they estimate that miscarriage happens in 1 in 4 pregnancies. 1 in 4! Some women go through multiple miscarriages. I have several friends who have gone through 3 and more.
I am sad today, but I also keep in mind that had I not miscarried our angel baby last June, I would not be carrying this little boy I have in my womb today. It is a bittersweet day in many ways. I have moved on, but will always remember and cherish this day.
With death, there is life. On the very same day of our loss last June, we gained a new niece! I have that to cherish as a memory of that day as well. Life has moved on.
If you are a miscarriage survivor, the following sites offer support for you:
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:7-8