DO NOT GET THE SKINNY MOCHA AT STARBUCKS!
Confession: Every once in a while I like to treat myself to a coffee at Starbucks (which by the way, as a teacher I find that there are an unlimited amount of Starbucks gift cards you can gift me with. Seriously. I’m excited every time I receive one, even if it’s only $5)
I will also admit that I’m vain and I prefer not to waste my precious calories on drinks. EVER. I also love caffeine with a deep and infinite passion. Which is why I love Coke Zero and skinny coffee drinks. I will worry about the effects of artificial sweeteners when I get my college body back, I suppose. But, I guess it won’t matter because I’ll have my college body and I will look fabulous. I suppose the same train of thought goes to Botox, no?
When I saw a Skinny Mocha being advertised this morning at the local Starbucks drive-thru I was in heaven. That is, until I took a sip. Because then I wanted to die. No, really. It’s terrible. It tastes like dirt. Don’t ask me how I know what dirt tastes like. Ok, it may taste a little better than dirt.
Do you know what a bad coffee can do to you at 6:00 am in the morning? I think some of you do.
So, let me take a moment to complain about some things. (Cause, this is what bad coffee does to me).
1) Pregnancy pee woes: As if it’s not bad enough that you are huge and your back hurts, you have to pee every 3 minutes.
Dear Pee, this is not conducive to drinking more water, which is what my doctor requested of me. Can you just cut it out? And why do I never feel satisfied with a good pee these days? It’s like no matter how much I pee, I still feel that little inkling of having to go the instant I stand up from the toilet.
2) Weird pregnancy woes: What the hell is that strange, burning, tingling sensation under my left boob that makes it difficult for me to sleep or do any other normal activity during the day? It gets numb sometimes and I’m really finding it quite annoying. I read on Dr. Google that it’s indigestion, and/or something related to my gallbladder. Do I need to be worried? This sucks more than the pee situation (and maybe even the skinny mocha) and I’m not happy about it!
3) Christmas Decorations that won’t go away: Why aren’t you cleaning yourselves up? Do you think I have the time or energy to get you back into our upstairs storage closet? JUST GO AWAY!
4) Weird Florida Weather: Can you stop with the cold in the morning and warm in the afternoon? I need you to choose, please! Thanks to you my allergies are inflamed and I’m now getting multiple mini nose bleeds throughout the day (thanks again, pregnancy woes). This isn’t helping my laugh lines, and I’m trying to still look semi-young for my second child.
Alright, I’ll stop there…I could probably go all day, but I’ll spare you the trauma.
On another note, Happy Epiphany! Let’s hope most of my students are “Greek” for the day so I can have a nice quiet drama-free day from hormonal teenage girls!
**UPDATE** Add to list of gripes the staff copy machine. I WANT TO KILL IT! What do you think the consequences will be if I took a baseball bat to it, a la “Office Space?”