No Smarts

No Smarts

This past Saturday, I had a lovely ladies night with my old gal pal who recently moved back home.

It was nice to be out with an old friend, to have a couple of adult beverages, and just kind of get out for a night. I wish I could say those were all the best parts about the night, because all those things were amazing, but the best part was really when a “gentleman” came up to us at the martini bar.

Now, I know I’m married and all…so don’t get too excited, this isn’t a story about a handsome knight who comes to swoop us off our feet.

In fact, this guy was bald, overweight, with a gold tooth and a thick gold chain around his neck. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just not my type or my friend’s. 😉

So we are clear, I repeat….I am not single. BUT, my friend is. Irregardless, neither one of us had any interest in this man except that we both happen to be polite girls and he did seem friendly at first. Anyhow, I was open to being my friend’s wingman (whatever that is), so I openly engaged in conversation.

Things started out ok. He said he was retired, which we later found out was code for collecting disability. He had two dogs he loved like children, although these dog-children turned out to be man-eating pitbulls. My friend thinks he alluded to using them for fighting purposes (heinous!).

But, I digress.

I truly think he had me when he was flipping through his pictures on his phone to show us his dog-children and quickly passed through a few girl pictures and he simply states,

“I hang out with Asian chicks.”

I was hooked after that. Honestly, who wouldn’t be after such a bold statement?

Things stared to turn ugly, though, the longer we let him talk.

For instance, he said he has a recording studio in his home where he’s made 7 albums that were used in Raves. He made his money from that until “stupid kids started dying during them.” <——–His words, not mine!

Then, he mentions he’s 100% Arian and “proud of it, baby.” Proceeds to show us his ring and then ask us our nationalities. I had some fun with this, but let’s shorten this up and mention that he proceeded to put his foot in his mouth further by mentioning things like how there is no such thing as American government, we are not Americans, conspiracy, and such.

Although, I thoroughly loved hearing this man’s idiocracy, my friend was not as interested. She made a beeline for the restroom at which point he looks at me and says, “What did I do?”

My response: “A little advice from a married girl, you may want to leave some of that conversation for say…..a second or third date.”

His response: “But, I just like to talk.”

Me: “Yeah, well I’m just sayin.”

Lastly, my favorite part, besides the Asian Chick reference, was when I tell him I am not fortunate enough to be “retired” right now and that I have to work for a living. I tell him I’m a teacher at which he point he admits that he never finished school. He said he was forced to make a decision at age 16 between working to afford his own place or going to school. He chose work. Which is fine, he mentions, because there are two kinds of smarts: street smarts and school smarts. He has street smarts, he says. To which I quip in, “Or no smarts!”

He stares at me blankly so I quickly explain.

“Well, you said there are two kinds of smarts: street smarts and school smarts. Well, there are three. There’s street smarts, school smarts and no smarts!”

I don’t think he got it.


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