No Smarts

No Smarts

This past Saturday, I had a lovely ladies night with my old gal pal who recently moved back home.

It was nice to be out with an old friend, to have a couple of adult beverages, and just kind of get out for a night. I wish I could say those were all the best parts about the night, because all those things were amazing, but the best part was really when a “gentleman” came up to us at the martini bar.

Now, I know I’m married and all…so don’t get too excited, this isn’t a story about a handsome knight who comes to swoop us off our feet.

In fact, this guy was bald, overweight, with a gold tooth and a thick gold chain around his neck. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just not my type or my friend’s. 😉

So we are clear, I repeat….I am not single. BUT, my friend is. Irregardless, neither one of us had any interest in this man except that we both happen to be polite girls and he did seem friendly at first. Anyhow, I was open to being my friend’s wingman (whatever that is), so I openly engaged in conversation.

Things started out ok. He said he was retired, which we later found out was code for collecting disability. He had two dogs he loved like children, although these dog-children turned out to be man-eating pitbulls. My friend thinks he alluded to using them for fighting purposes (heinous!).

But, I digress.

I truly think he had me when he was flipping through his pictures on his phone to show us his dog-children and quickly passed through a few girl pictures and he simply states,

“I hang out with Asian chicks.”

I was hooked after that. Honestly, who wouldn’t be after such a bold statement?

Things stared to turn ugly, though, the longer we let him talk.

For instance, he said he has a recording studio in his home where he’s made 7 albums that were used in Raves. He made his money from that until “stupid kids started dying during them.” <——–His words, not mine!

Then, he mentions he’s 100% Arian and “proud of it, baby.” Proceeds to show us his ring and then ask us our nationalities. I had some fun with this, but let’s shorten this up and mention that he proceeded to put his foot in his mouth further by mentioning things like how there is no such thing as American government, we are not Americans, conspiracy, and such.

Although, I thoroughly loved hearing this man’s idiocracy, my friend was not as interested. She made a beeline for the restroom at which point he looks at me and says, “What did I do?”

My response: “A little advice from a married girl, you may want to leave some of that conversation for say…..a second or third date.”

His response: “But, I just like to talk.”

Me: “Yeah, well I’m just sayin.”

Lastly, my favorite part, besides the Asian Chick reference, was when I tell him I am not fortunate enough to be “retired” right now and that I have to work for a living. I tell him I’m a teacher at which he point he admits that he never finished school. He said he was forced to make a decision at age 16 between working to afford his own place or going to school. He chose work. Which is fine, he mentions, because there are two kinds of smarts: street smarts and school smarts. He has street smarts, he says. To which I quip in, “Or no smarts!”

He stares at me blankly so I quickly explain.

“Well, you said there are two kinds of smarts: street smarts and school smarts. Well, there are three. There’s street smarts, school smarts and no smarts!”

I don’t think he got it.


A Tribute to Daddy

A Tribute to Daddy

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I love you Daddy

I’m so lucky to have you

Sometimes I was sassy

You know that’s it true

But you never judged me

You’re love for me grew

There were times I was sad

About boys and issues

But you were always there

With a box of tissues

Once as a teenager

I got a tattoo

You were so angry

But mom came to my rescue

You’re my number one dad

No one compares to you

I love you Daddy

I’m so lucky to have you

Read more of my Associated Content Here


Summer is finally here (for me)!

Summer is finally here (for me)!

Last week was technically the last day of school for students and teachers here in my county, but for me, my last day was yesterday (thanks to a  4-day training).

How many ways can I say how thankful I am that it’s summer?

Seriously, people. The last month has been a super stressful roller-coaster for me. This week was pretty shitty. Yesterday was the worst day I’ve had in a while. I don’t know what else to say without vomiting my life’s troubles on you, so I’ll just say I need a break.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the next 8 weeks to Pinellas County Schools and/or God, or whoever it was decided (however many years ago) that kids need a summer break. Cause, this teacher is way overdue for a break.

I am so emotionally and physically exhausted right now. Even so, I am just so grateful to have Jamie and her beautiful smile. She really does make all the worst of the worst not so bad.

Maybe one day I will discuss the crap I’ve been going through, but I’m honestly too tired to even complain about that right now. All I want to do at this point is think about the next 8 weeks and how I don’t have to wake up before the sun comes up until August.

For the record, I know I’ve outed myself many times on this blog,but I don’t mind doing it again and saying:

“Hello, my name is Suzanne, and I am not a morning person.”


Adventures in Babysitting

Adventures in Babysitting

So we did it. We let someone outside our family watch Jamie for the first time today….

I felt so sick with worry leaving for my training today. Besides the occasional gym daycare (in which I never leave the building and take sneak peaks of Jamie through a mirrored glass), Jamie has never been left alone with anyone besides our parents or siblings. This was our first try at having an outside babysitter come in to get us ready for next school year. The plan is to have someone come twice or three times a week to watch Jamie next school year. It’s only for 4 hours, but it felt like forever.

The irony is that the girl is one of my old students who graduated, is 19, going to college, and I personally trained her to take care of children. Easy peasy, right?


I was freaked.

I’m pretty sure I left her notes long enough to print into a booklet.

Notes included:

Sleep schedule
Food Schedule
How to change diaper
The use of the pacifier
How to entertain Jamie

Um, yeah. I know you are either:

a) Making fun of me and laughing out loud hysterically (or HLOL- how’s that for text lingo?….Booyah!)

b) Rolling your eyes and calling me a helicopter mom. (Whatever!)

When we got home Jamie was in a WONDERFUL mood. I mean, she was really happy. She must have been thrilled to have someone else to play with.

Speaking of helicopter moms, someone tell me the daily meal plan of your 9-12 month old please….I’m trying to add finger foods in the loop and I’m scerrred. Jamie choked on a teething biscuit yesterday and I was seriously seconds away from giving her the baby Heimlich. Someone send me some ideas that won’t put me into early retirement, please.


Today I cried like a baby

Today I cried like a baby

Most years I jump for joy on the last day of school. Today, I cried.

Today, wasn’t just the last day of school, it was the last day of a long time relationship with my co-teacher. She has been such a huge supporter and mentor to me. I feel lost thinking about the rest of the years without her. I really don’t know what I will do without her.

I tried to keep it in all morning. We moved her stuff out of the office and moved my stuff in. My eyes kept welling up with tears during the process, but I would go into the other room and get a hold of myself before she could see. She seemed so happy to retire and start a new life, that I just couldn’t bear to bring her down.

When it was time to load my car, she helped me out with all the stuff I had to take home to work on over the summer. She gave me a hug and I broke down. I’m crying now just thinking about it. I know I will see her again, but it will be different…I can’t pawn off students on her when their bugging me…I can’t ask her for advice on how to manage some of our lengthy assignments….She won’t be sending out all the thousands of paperwork we have to send over the summer to get the kids their certificates to work in perschools…It’s all on me now and I’m freaked!

I should be happy that I’m finally moving up the ladder. I’ll be the new director of the preschool and the department head. But, I have some huge shoes to fill next year. I hope I can do it as well as she did!


Thursday Writer’s Workshop

Thursday Writer’s Workshop

Elaborate on last week’s 6 word memoir.

Well, many of you know I’m a teacher, so it probably doesn’t come to a surprise to you that I count the days down to summer. Now, is this because I don’t like teaching? Noooo. I love teaching, I really do. I even love the most annoying students (mostly),even some ornery old co-workers (mostly),  and I love getting up at 5 am to get to school by 6:30 (ok, I’m lying there).

Did you know my grandmother was a highschool teacher? Yes! And, the first thing she told me when I got a summer job after my first year of teaching was this: “Honey, there is a reason teacher’s get the summers off. You need it, or else you wouldn’t come back to teach the next year. It’s just enough time to erase the stress of last school year and get you excited for the new school year.”

She was right. I’ve never worked another summer since. Every spring the kids drive me just crazy enough to wonder why I got into teaching to begin with. By the end of July I’m pumped and ready for the next group of kids.

This year is a little different for me. In the past I’ve never had much of anything going on in the summer except a trip to Vegas or Illinois. This year I have a little girl waiting for me at home to entertain. When I left in January to go back to school, her biggest feat was reaching up to grab for a toy on her activity gym. Now she can roll over, sit up, stand up, crawl, and cruise. I can’t wait for the next 8 weeks devoted to my little girl. What will she do next?

You know why I’m really happy about the summer this year, though (besides my baby)?


It’s not like we’ve been infested with them all year. Not at all. That just wouldn’t be acceptable with the preschoolers. But, somehow last week they started creeping in. I thought maybe it was the rain, or maybe the roaches know it’s summer and they’re looking for scraps the kids left behind. But, really it was because two rooms down the teacher had their room “fumigated” for roaches (in school talk that means a little spray and some traps). Apparently, the custodian didn’t get the memo that you will need to “fumigate” the whole building or else the damn roaches will escape to the nearest room.

 So, yeah. That leaves me to this morning when I went to use our bathroom. There was a HUGE roach scurrying around by the trash can. I’m not exaggerating here. I’m pretty sure he was carrying a briefcase and talking on his cell phone. I tried to kill (yes- I kill bugs. What about it?) the monster and the sucker wouldn’t die. I then grabbed a trash can to smash it with. Nothing. I’m pretty sure he just ran faster. Seriously? What have we created in this world that we have nondestructable roaches in our habitat? I had to get the big industrial size garbage that’s probably bigger than me to kill it, and even that was questionable. I flushed it for good measure. That roach is now floating in the sea of life with the sea monkey’s..God rest their Souls.

Did I mention, only 1 more day until summer starts??


Mama’s Losin’ It


Still got it!

Still got it!

I haven’t talked about craft things as of late. Actually, since I’ve had a baby….BUT, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been getting my craft on. Why just the other day I decorated myself a nice pair of flip flops.

I got cheap flip flops:

Bought some rhinestones and flip flop glue (yes, it’s called flip flop glue):

And, you guessed it…I used my flip flop glue and rhinestones to make these:

I literally took less than 10 minutes and I love them. I’m obsessed and I’ve been researching all kinds of flip flop re-fashioning. I mean, I am a Floridian after all. It’s not like I can have too many, right?