Dilemma

Dilemma

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here, even though I made promises to keep it up. Honestly, I’ve been torn about what to do with this Blog.

Initially, this was a place where I could journal my fertility treatments and get a sort of therapy from writing about my emotions through the process. I honestly didn’t think I was going to get pregnant after so many other failed attempts. I figured I would need this place to get the support I needed during the whole ordeal.

In the process of doing this I’ve come to realize this place wasn’t only for me but for a few others, too. In the last month or so I’ve gotten many messages from old friends of mine going through similar situation as mine, reaching out to me for advice or just to talk about the emotions of this roller coaster. I think about how I had very few people to talk to when I was having my infertility struggles. I understand the importance of reading success stories, or getting advice from others going through similar situations. It makes a huge difference to have somewhere to go and vent your feelings or read about other people’s feelings when it seems like everyone else are fertile myrtle’s and that the whole world is pregnant (and staying pregnant). I’m sorry, but fertile people, try as they may, just don’t understand what we’re going through. Although, I still love them for trying!

My problem here is that in a way I feel like I’ve held on to a lot of negative feelings from my own experience. Even though I’ve been lucky enough to beat the infertility battle and receive my gift of motherhood, I still feel sad and angry about the whole situation.

Infertility took a huge toll on my marriage and our finances. Although we are now extremely happy and closer from this stumbling block, and we are slowly paying off our IVF debt, we still look back and think about how difficult it was. Right now I’m trying to stay positive and happy and not think about future infertility possibilities. I need to spend all my energy on our child, to love her, and not let this affect me as a mother and wife anymore.

With all that said, I think that there is still good reason to continue with this blog.

1) I can give personal experience that can help others

and

2) I will most likely be going through future fertility treatments (as soon as this summer) and I will need this to again vent my emotions

So, with that said…I will still put posts on here about infertility issues and my own struggle. It will probably not be weekly…more like bi-weekly or monthly, but you can still contact me in the meantime if you have any questions about me. I’m really an open book when it comes to this topic because I really want to help others. Maybe it’s the teacher in me, but I yearn to talk about my experience in an effort to help those with similar situations. People did that for me and I would like to “pay it forward.”

If this blog gets too slow for you or you want to talk outside of it, you can email me at tow.suzanne@yahoo.com. I’ll post randomly in the meantime.

2 thoughts on “Dilemma

  1. Hey there… I can so relate to your feelings! Even when we get to the “other side”, I don’t think you ever really “get over” the scars of infertility and pregnancy loss. But we focus on our miracle babies and know we have been blessed!! I’m glad you are keeping up this blog, however infrequently, and I have a favor to ask. Please keep me posted when/if you hear that Dr. S’s office is offering another IVF study. I really have the desire to go down that road, and although we are thinking it will be after the princess turns 1, if there is a study before then, that would be very tempting!! Thank you, friend!!

    Like

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