That dang show got me again! When Guilianna is at the therapist and she’s talking about how she feels bad for Bill…. the part about how she thinks he will be a great dad and maybe he should have married someone younger….
I TOTALLY know how she feels! I wish I could have called her during that time, because I swear I said those exact same things after my failed IVF last summer. It just broke my heart to see her sadness and fear of having a child. Infertility is just so scary.
Also, when she started saying things like, “What did we do to deserve this?,” and “Why me?,” the feeling of being punished, etc. It made my eyes swell with tears. I don’t know what it is, but for whatever reason, the idea of not having the choice/control over having a child does make you feel like a lesser woman. I used to envy my fertile friends and their “child-bearing” loins. I still do, actually.
All I know is this- I was very lucky to have the opportunity to have multiple fertility treatments and get pregnant (and stay pregnant) with my daughter. I don’t take any moment with her for granted- even when she is extremely crabby. I’m treating her like she is my only child and capturing every minute I have with her in my memories as well as on document. I don’t ever want to forget what it’s like to be in this place I am now, because I don’t know that I will ever have this opportunity again. I am so thankful for my life as well as my daughter’s life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!