The other day, I had some “mommy time” and took myself to Target while Matt watched the baby sleep- cause apparently she slept the whole time and he didn’t have to do anything for her. Go figure….
My point here is that I decided that I would walk around Target aimlessly cause well, Target has everything and I figured I would eventually find something to do there.
I’m going to go on a whole other tangent and preface this by saying that women are mean creatures and that I truly, whole-heartedly believe that if there were no women in the world and it were just me and all the men that I would just be fat and happy.
Rewind to when I was in high school and college. I danced. Not the pole dancing kind, but the ballet pointe kind. In order to keep up my thigh muscles toned for this, I also worked out quite a bit (which by the way, apparently when you don’t keep this up and you had super strong muscular thighs at one time, they turn into fat later. Like big and fat, but that’s a whole other post). I would wear make-up and do my hair and wear my best work-out clothes/leotard/whatever tiny piece of spandex I could fit into at the time. I actually had two whole drawers devoted to just cute spandex- which was a big deal since we only had so many drawers in the sorority house. I did that so I could look better than the other dancers in my group. It was vain and materialistic, but for whatever reason it was important to me that I looked good while I sweat. (I was in my teens and early twenties. So, anyway…)
Fast forward to the present and I’m at Target again. I’m wandering around the baby aisle when I run into one of the girls I used to dance with in 1994. YAH! We’re both in the baby aisle and we each do a quick body scan over on the other. Gasp! Looks like we both just had a baby. Or, at least she did at some point and still has her mommy body. Was I relieved! I mean SUPER RELIEVED. Not cause she was a little on the mommy frumpy side, but because she was my arch-nemesis at the dance studio and I guess I still felt some sort of competition with her. I made a mental note to blow dry my hair next time I decide to wander through Target again. After some super awkward and yet kind-of friendly conversation with my old competition I went on with my shopping and threw random mommy essentials into my cart.
1) Weight Control Oatmeal (for the mommy-buttitis I’m still trying to fight off)
2) A Wine box (What?? Don’t tell me you never drank wine from a box. It’s two bottles in one!!)
3) Spanx (again, for the mommy-buttitis)
4) 3 cases of Coke Zero (guys, it was 3 for $12 and really I can’t afford to waste any calories on caffeine right now and I REALLY need caffeine. Also, I’m saving all my calories for the wine box)
When I got home, I ran straight to the bathroom to try on my Spanx. This was no easy feat, by the way. It sounded like two wild dogs fighting it out over a piece of bacon and Matt even commented by saying,
“What’s going on in there?”
“Nothing, Honey.” *smile*
Except, later when I looked down I realized my leg was bleeding!
I really hope I don’t have to pee much while wearing these things. I’m not sure I can get out of them.
PS- my baby is 1 month old, today! Updated stats and pics when we get back from the pediatrician tomorrow.