On Christmas day I started spotting.
It was too soon to get my period, so I brushed it out of my mind and went on with the festivities. On Saturday I woke up and it was there in all its glory.
Last IVF, I was super excited to get my period because it meant the cycle was starting and with it my new found hope. This time it just isn’t the same. I wasn’t excited at all. Just numb. Like this was just another cycle gone- rather than the beginning of my best chance at a family.
Sometimes I think I’m becoming like Dexter. It’s like I have no feelings. Well, except “hate.” I seem to be feeling that one pretty well…
Anyway, I did get up and call my doctor like a good little girl yesterday morning. So, today I came in, gave blood, did an ultrasound, and well, it’s a go. I’m 100% in this now. I start my gondatropins tonight. Antibiotics tomorrow. I’ve already been taking the prenatals, aspirin, and DHEA. I’m not quite at the point of no return, but pretty close.
1 shot to 2 shots. Once I get to 3 shots I’ll be 36 hours from D day. Weird.
It feels like the moment when I realized I was in love with Matt. At that point I knew it was either going to be the best thing in my life or the worst. But, what was I going to do? I had to go for it. Otherwise, it most certainly was going to be the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. Heartbreak.